Straight Hair is a Struggle, Too

Okay, I have to take a moment to establish the fact that having straight hair is a struggle. I live with three people that have some naturally very curly hair, and the vast majority of my other friends do as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I have it easy because I don’t have their hair. Well I’ve heard it long enough, and I just need to vent. While straight hair doesn’t have the same struggles that curly hair does, it is a whole set of problems just its own. I’ll list my top 3 grievances:

1. Straight hair is a needy jerk. You roll out of bed late for class ONE morning, and it just becomes a huge cry baby, broadcasting its greasy sheen to the whole world, blabbing the lie that you never bathe. I bathed 24 hours ago, and my hair is the biggest drama queen in the world. It’s like on overly-attached significant other.

… yes, hair. We talked 3 hours ago. Calm down. No, it doesn’t frizz when it rains, but if I don’t wash it every day, I look like I’ve gone European. Ladies, I envy the ability to wear those curls for 3+ days and still look hygienic.

2. Messy buns end up looking like one of those horrible, spikey 90’s updos. You know what I’m talking about:

… not cute hair. Not cute. When you have curls, this alfalfa sprout thing doesn’t happen. Trust me, I’ve curled my hair before, and it goes up in a bun way better than when it’s straight. This triceratops action doesn’t happen.

3. The static is real. All you curly haired girls talk about how brushing your hair is torture, if even a reality. Well. Brushing my hair looks a lot like this:

Winter ultimately means that brushing my hair harnesses at least enough electricity to thaw at least one Lean Cuisine. Maybe two. But I don’t want to be dramatic. I mean I can straight up hear the popping of the static when I pull the brush off my head.

So next time one of you beautiful curly-haired women thinks your life would be way easier if you had different hair, guess again. Yes, straight hair is overrated in the media, and yes I understand you have it rough. But, you’ve been tricked into believing that naturally straight hair is the easiest variety. So stop wishing it away. The grass on the other side might be different, but it’s full of grease balls and dinosaur-reminiscent updos. Okay, rant done.