Unemployed

I'm hopelessly unemployed, and I'm starting to get really stressed about it. I thought I had a nannying job lined up for the Summer, but it ended up falling through because the family changed their Summer plans. So here I am, unemployed, and totally broke. And with grad school looming in the distance, now is not the time to be taking the next 3 months to paint my nails and catch up on Netflix. I know there's still some time left to find a job, but I'm still really stressing about it. Not many places want to hire someone who will leave them hiring once again as soon as the Fall rolls around. But hey, I'm gonna be optimistic and choose to believe that something will turn up. And if not, lemonade stands are still a thing, right?

Feeding Yourself is Hard

Lately I have really reached the conclusion that feeding yourself is hard. It's expensive. Time consuming. And it requires a lot of planning and thought. Like I am officially giving my parents mad props for keeping not only themselves, but also me, alive for this many years. I can barely feed myself. And don't even get me started on the extra level of difficulty that is reached if you're trying to eat well. I've given up gluten and sugar for a while, and sometimes I'd rather go hungry than go to the work of cooking. Being a grown up is hard.

What Are the Odds

Sometimes I feel like the weirdest things happen to me. It's like my game is a perpetual game of "what are the odds?" Today was a generally weird day to say the least. I wish I could go into detail, but it's probably more one of those "Dear Diary" experiences than something that should end up on the internet. Let's just say that this town is too small. Sometimes I really feel like I'm playing a big game of Hide and Go Seek. It was easier when I was 5 and 'hiding" meant covering my eyes. But people look at you funny when you cover your eyes in public places and pretend not to see them as an adult. Growing up is complicated. And so are small towns.

Streams in the Wasteland

Today I was just really grateful, and as I'm learning, gratitude is the starting place of joy. I felt extraordinarily happy today, and I realized that it all started when I woke up giving thanks. Learn to pour out thanks, and you'll be filled back up by joy. I used to think that being happy was about waiting to be brought to a different place. But being happy is about having the faith that joy will be brought to you right where you are, like water in a desert. You might not be in the ideal location, but why not rejoice over the water? You wouldn't take a jug of water and smash it to the ground in the midst of the blaring sun and sweltering sand just because it wasn't enough water for your lifetime. No, you'd drink it, joyful for the bit of refreshment, even in the desert. So why smash and blaspheme the spots of joy we receive even on the bad days? They might not be enough for our lifetime, but they're certainly enough for the moment. Streams in the desert take time, but you will be given your portion until they are furrowed. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

The Beach and Me

Over spring break I took a day trip with two of my good friends to Wilmington to spend the afternoon picnicking and relaxing on the beach. I was reminded how much I love the beach. I guess I never really forgot it, but remembering that you love somewhere and then actually being there to love it are two different things. I love how it makes me feel small, reminds me that there’s so much more to this world than the town I live in or my daily schedule. That something bigger than myself has been making the waves roll ceaselessly from the beginning of time, and that that same power holds me and my life, and sustains me just like it sustains the sea. I love running my hands and feet through the sand, shocked every time by the number of grains that ripple over my fingers and toes. I love knowing that my God’s thoughts towards me are more numerous than those grains of sand. I love knowing that the Creator of that ocean created me. That that very beauty that He breathed into that sea He breathed into me. The beach leaves me in awe of my God. 

Sometimes Your Cat Falls Out the Window

Nothing says “Sunday morning” quite like your overweight cat rolling out of a second story window. Honestly, I wasn’t that surprised, because I officially have the weirdest cat on this planet. She spends hours at a time laying on her back like a fatty:

 Piper, otherwise known as “Pip,” likes to sit on open windows and lean up against the screens.  Well it seems she’s finally gotten too fat for the screens. Yesterday morning I was getting ready for church when I heard the screen of my bedroom window pop out. I looked over just as I watched Piper slide and roll out the window, desperately clinging to the window sill just as she dropped. It was just like the Lion King. I panicked understandably and rushed downstairs and outside to find her fitting casually in the grass, staring up at the window with an expression that read “whoa… I had no idea this is where that led.” Only after I knew she was okay did I crack up. I really wish I could have seen what it looked like from the outside. 

What Is Even Happening

I honestly cannot believe how fast this whole college thing is going. My third spring break has drawn to a close, and this time next year I'll be choosing a grad school, trying on caps and gowns, and freaking out over the new life phase that I know absolutely nothing about. I'm closer to being finished with college than I am to the day I started it all. It's so true that whether you're happy or sad, in a good place or bad place, ready or not, life just keeps moving on right in front of you. I guess that's a good thing though, because that means that when you're not where you want to be, all you have to do is hold tight and you'll be somewhere else before you know it.